Fun with germs

Dear Js,

It’s been more than a month since I last wrote. It seems like every time I write I have yet another excuse.

I bet you’re excited to know what my excuse is this time. It’s not a good one but hey it’s all I got. Germs. Something nasty has been going around. First you Js got the flu. Then mama got it. The whole family was sneezing and coughing for a week or two.

I had to stay at home one day to help around and take you to school. I dropped you off and went to work at a nearby cafe. I bought a cup of coffee because I felt guilty but none of the grad students cared. It brought back memories. I was once one of them. Meanwhile my ear kept getting distracted by passionate, optimistic and philosophical conversations all around me. It felt strange knowing I was doing real, DIRTY, paid work. Man, I was once like them. It was easier to be optimistic then.

There were nannies everywhere. That’s the Bay Area for you. Almost all of them were Hispanic. That’s why some people confuse mama for a nanny. They say dumb things like, “Oh what cute kids. Whose are they?”

Is it sad? Of course not. Stupid people tend to be happier. What’s sad is what the kids shared. Every now and then your class has a “Center Room News” segment at the end. That’s when you and your friends share things they want the teacher to read to the rest of the class. So one kid said, “I just came back from visiting my family in Puerto Rico!” Another kid said, “We are going to Disneyland!” Another kid was excited to see dinosaurs. Then one girl shared, “I’m going to my dad’s house today!”

So if you ever find yourself wondering what makes a couple decide to have kids, don’t stress yourself too much. There isn’t as much thought into it as you think. Most parents can’t stand being parents. Of course we all lie about it, because it’s tricky to get rid of little humans who call you mama and papa. We met Mark Zuckerberg’s sister’s family. Or rather, mama met her nanny and her kid. The nanny said, shaking her head, that they have 24/7 nannies. I asked why was she shaking her head? That’s good for her business. Mama explained that ess that nannies can care about the kid more than money.

Anyway we found out that our thermometer wasn’t broken. It’s just me who’s dead. I have a lower-than-normal resting temperature.

So here’s a report card of germs we incubated. We got an A for Type A Influenza. It made you two weak and snuggly but j you always manage to smile. Then someone got C for Croup. I don’t even know what that is. Everyone got sick. But not me! Something felt like it was trying to get me though. I had mild fevers come and go but my body defended me this time.

I guess it’s scary to be sick as a kid. You woke up yelling HELP! “Mama – can’t – breathe.” Then I hear you trying to suck air through your blocked nose like someone trying to suck a mango with a straw. I go, “J, use your mouth.” Cheese. (Inside joke – you think I say Cheese when I say Geez.) And then I hear SNORT SNORTSNORT. “Look, open your mouth. Then breathe with your mouth.” I hear a GASP then SNORCH-SNORCH-SNORCH. “Keep practicing.”

Then just when things were getting better mama got sick again. It was worse the second time. She had trouble breathing and when she went to urgent care they gave her a chest x-ray just to be sure. But as usual, unless you’re dying of a heart attack, those urgent care guys just send you home after making you wait 3 hours, with a prescription that doesn’t do much more than a placebo. Turns out she picked up pneumonia.

Meanwhile I’m reminded how much I would suck at being a single parent. Mama does it every day with you 2, but I can’t. I lose my patience. And I struggle with pausing everything I’m thinking about and trying to do and having to flush out grownup thoughts, just so I can read a brain-dead board book 52 times. Or to acknowledge every single sentence both of you say. For example… j: “Daddy me doggy. Daddy me doggy. Daddy me doggy. Daddy me doggy…” You absolutely will not drop it until I repeat what you said. You will not accept, “Okay” or “Mmm Hmm.” I must acknowledge with, “You’re a doggy!” There are two of you so J you will ram my other ear: “Daddy did you know that even though Mercury is closer to the Sun, it is not the hottest planet? Daddy did you know that even though Mercury is closer to the Sun, it is not the hottest planet? Daddy. Daddy! Daddy. Daddy, EXCUSE MEEEEEEE! Daddy, did you know- Daddy-”

I don’t know if I’m supposed to be a dad. Have I said this before? I enjoy being alone. I enjoy having thoughts. I enjoy having dreams. I enjoy making things. Kids are where dreams die. I think kids remind you that some dreams are unnatural. All this endless wanting is unique to the developed world. Jimmy Nelson photographed mothers in tribes around the world. He made some interesting observations:

Regarding health, how do the tribes look after themselves? They don’t have access to medicine like we do.
It’s a survival of the fittest. If you’re not healthy when you’re born, you die; as harsh and simple as that. Those who are born healthy, functioning, they live, and they live a healthy life.

A lot of the illnesses we suffer from here are self-inflicted. They’re self-inflicted from food, sugars, salts, all the synthetic aspects. They’re self-inflicted through the lifestyle we lead. We believe we have to live for happiness. None of these people have the term ‘happiness’, because they don’t worry about the future, or when they’re going to be happy. They just are.

They don’t think about goals, or “This will make me happy if I do this”?
No, it’s about today. It’s about what matters now, about what I feel now. It’s about today, and this evening when we eat. We, on the other hand, worry about 20 years, our pension. It’s a bit of a Catch 22.

So I hate myself for feeling pissed that mama was sick. I think goddamnit why can’t you stay healthy. I know that’s unreasonable. So I don’t actually say it. But I can’t help thinking it. Having kids is a terrible idea. Don’t do it.

You want proof that it’s a terrible idea? Me. I’m a terrible son. My brother, Uncle J, is getting married this December. I’m supposed to be happy for him and happy to celebrate the wedding and happy to see my family again. But I’m not. I’m stressed. I found out my passport had expired 6 month ago. I found out I could only renew it at a consulate in a different state. I found out that we needed plane tickets for 4 people now. Anyway I fixed what I could by applying for my passport first. I ran around gathering everything I needed, took photos, filled a stupid government form I didn’t quite understand, copied, notarized, fedexed. I hope they don’t revoke my citizenship or suspend my pasport. And I hope the plane ticket prices don’t rise. And I hope the plane doesn’t crash.

I want to say fuck it I’m not going for your stupid wedding. I complained to mama that the cost-benefit scale is off-balance. I will be getting no satisfaction from this, and the effort and expense will be great. It feels like a sacrifice where I get absolutely nothing. My parents just give me stress, and I while I’m happy for my brother, I don’t find any joy in puppeting up for an arbitrary ceremony that centers on Santa Claus blessing a man and a woman and giving them permission to be together.

The only reason I’m forcing myself to suffer through it is because of you two. I guess I’m supposed to encourage your relationship with my side of the family.

All I can say is that if at some time in the future, you don’t ever want to see me again, I will understand. I will say I know how you feel and I want you to be happy. Let’s not pretend. I don’t care about tradition or rituals or how things are supposed to be. I support you two doing what makes you happy, even if it will be difficult for me.

The next day, after my sulking session with mama, she sent me this article.

The title was, “The secret of empathy: Stress from the presence of strangers prevents empathy, in both mice and humans.” It was the equivalent of someone offering you a mint. It’s a hint. Always take it.

The summary: The ability to express empathy — the capacity to share and feel another’s emotions — is limited by the stress of being around strangers, according to a new study. Empathy is increasingly being studied by scientists because of its known role in psychological disorders, such as Autism Spectrum Disorder and psychopathy.

Maybe she was curious if the father of her kids is a psycopath. It was an interesting study actually. In the past, they showed that two mice feel more pain from the same stimulus if they’re with their buddy cage mates, than if they’re with stranger mice. They’ve moved to humans now, and they show that two strangers have little empathy for each other. But empathy increases when they do a little bonding exercise first, like play a video game.

So that made me wonder… do I lack empathy toward my parents and brother (or other people in general) because I perceive them as strangers? Maybe I don’t care because the distance between me and the rest of the world keeps growing.

I don’t watch TV, I read topics few other people are excited about, and I work on things few people do. It feels like the more I learn, the more I understand about myself, other people and the world. But the downside is, the less like everyone else I become. And so, the more other people feel like strangers. Even my parents. I once told Abu that they’re stuck in the time when I was 17 and living at home. They still ask me the same questions and talk about my interests and hobbies then. I did most of my growing up away from them. I guess part of it is my fault, for not staying in touch. But you know, I tried once. I tried to explain what I was working on once. My dad nodded off in the living room. I never tried again. My mom just wanted to know, “But what do I tell my friends and relatives when they ask what you do?” Then I realized that’s really what mattered; having something to brag about. I don’t know, mom, tell them I’m a surgeon or rocket scientist.

Anyway, I do care about you guys. And I think the reason I have empathy toward my own family could be because we spend time together, share experiences and because you carry my genes.

If this stranger/empathy effect is true, it’s a pretty neat evolutionary program, don’t you think? It’s simple and it should take care of most cases. It’s also interesting how it can malfunction in cases like mine, where if you distance yourself enough, even your parents and brother can seem like strangers and you don’t care about them anymore.

But like the experiment showed, if you can kindle/rekindle a bond, you start caring again.

And that’s why I insisted on certain things done a certain way when I was helping the non-profit for disabled children. I made sure everyone understood that you have to stop with the facts and stats. You have to do everything you can to make each child a real person. As real as he or she is sitting on your couch in your living room. Always talk about each child one at a time, and each of them has a face, name and story.

Joseph Stalin said, “One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic.” The lesson is, if you want anyone to care about anything, you have to make it personal. You have to transform a stranger (or a strange cause) to someone (or something) you share something in common with. It’s easy to ignore something when it’s far away. Make it so personal it crawls under the skin and it cannot be ignored.

You could say that a more personal example is my recent relationship with my dad. The only conversations we’ve had are maybe hi/bye in the 4 or so years since we visited. But because I sent him a quadcopter, we now had a quadcopter in common. And then I started caring about his progress with it. I even sent him more batteries so he could have longer practice sessions each day.

Here’s what he replied:

Wah !! you are so thoughtful Son

Looks like it will make me extend by flight time homework; ’cause I have been using two batteries ( one from each copter).

I have been studying the Youtube Hubsan postings and am glad that I have so much support on this model you chose and long way to go and the batteries would be helpful.

BTW the $ transfer have just been received in the most apt moment. Paid for our expensive dental implants ( now we look chew better) and RM 3k for your brother’s restaurant etc deposits. ( He will and is going to pay us back later). Thanks son ! Now, mum and I are enjoying the share of your earnings of your upcoming. Keep up the good work in your career and family life. We are extremely proud of you as usual and now so much more.

Looking forward to the batteries and will inform you as and when it has arrived.

Kisses and hugs to our Grand children and love to Melisa. She is a good wife and mother. ( Facebook observations ).

We love you,
dad and Mum

And here he is, finally learning how to lift off, hover for some time, and land without crashing:

But it seems you guys get more excited about crashes:

New developments

J mama taught you how to play Tic Tac Toe. But you think it’s a cooperative game.

j you’re starting to know your colors.

You two wake up and play with each other now. You used to stay in bed. But now you find fun in the other rooms, upstairs, downstairs, etc. I don’t really know what you do together since we’re both sometimes still half-dreaming, hoping that if something dangerous happens, one of you would be smart enough to scream and fetch us instead of running away and hide. In those hazy mornings it’s useful that you two make so much noise, because we can sleep a few more minutes knowing that noises mean you are still alive.

Chronologically accurate prehistoric dreams. To help you sleep, I’ve been asking you what you would like to dream about. Then I help you relax and talk you through to journey into your dreamland for the night. One night you said you wanted to go to “the Earth from a long time ago.” So we flew out into space. We looked back at Earth. The Earth changed to the Earth from a long time ago. We flew back in, past the clouds and we splashed into the ocean.
Me: “Is that a Pleisiosaur?”
J: “No, we’re in the Triassic. That’s a jawless fish. I see a shark.”
Me: “Is that a megatooth shark?”
J: “No, that’s in the Neogene period. That’s just a small shark.”
Eventually we made it to land.
Me: “Is that Pangea?”
J: “No that’s Pannotia and Rodinia.”
Me, on land: “Okay, what’s that? Is is it a Brachiosaurus?”
J: “No, It’s a Taurosaurus.”
I gave up. Soon we skipped to the Jurrasic and Cretaceous. We rode a Triceratops and met an Allosaurus. You said it was a friendly Allosaurus and that we brought food so it wouldn’t be hungry. Then we were off to space. “But not the planet close to the Sun.” We visited Venus and Andromeda.
Me: *yawn* “I’m getting tired now. We can continue this story in our dreams. In your dreams you can go anywhere you want.”

On another night:
Mama: “Which period so you want to go to?”
Me: “The future!”
J: “But there are no periods there. Why do we not know the periods yet?”
Me: “Because it hasn’t happened yet. I just need to go close to a black hole.”
J: “I’ll take you in a timeline craft. A space timeline craft.”
Me, looking at mama: “A SPACE-TIMEline craft.”
Mama: “That’s an interesting name for a craft.”

But I’m not sure if I opened Pandora’s Box with that. Lately you’ve been having night terrors. You used to just cry and run into our bed at night, then fall back asleep. These days you just cry. And when mama dug deeper, you said you didn’t come because you could hear mama but you couldn’t move. Tonight I fell asleep in your bed and you woke me up with yourolling around and flailing. You said, “Uh uh uh… ih hurh ih hurh.” I said, “I’m here, use your words. Can you say that again?” “Ajuntinusaurus eaaaaa uh uh!” I hugged you and tried to tell you that you were dreaming. I said you can fly away. And I suppose you did, because you relaxed and became quiet.

We got a multimeter. I tried to explain electricity with the conductivity beeper. Then I strapped it to your wrist and you ran around checking to see what beeped. We also tried the battery tester.

Mama got an Earth globe inflatable ball. One night we turned off the light and put our lantern on one side. I said the lantern is our Sun, and see how it makes a shadow behind Earth. It’s day time on this side, and night time on the other side. Look here is where we live. If it is day time here, what time is it at grandma/grandpa’s house? “Night time.” You answered without looking around the other side to check.

J, mama has been coaching you a little with your interaction with others. She has been observing that many of your friends try to play with you but you just ignore them. She said that you could say, “I hear you and I see what you’re doing, but I’m busy doing X, etc.” So one day some girls needed help digging a hole. They asked one girl, then they asked you. You said, “I’m doing something at the moment but I’ll come help later.” You did come back later but they weren’t digging anymore so you ended up digging by yourself in the corner.

j: “I’m itchy”
That’s code for “I have to go potty.” You’re learning. The other day at the park you said, “I need go pee mama.” Then you stopped, “It looks like I’m okay.” You climbed two steps back up the structure and said, “I need little potty.” (Our portable one) “Me itchy.”

J, after you locked your sister in the room she has been crying every night, for about a week. Then the crying stopped. But some things can trigger it again like mama closing a door in front of you. Or today, when we were hiking and I went through a gate and closed it behind me.

Curious convos

J: “T-Rex eats meat”
j: “like me?”
J: “Jupiter is big”
j: “like car?”

J: “Mama, why can we not change our DNA?”
Mama: *boggled* “We’re slowly learning how to change little things” goodness, i need to go back to school…

J singing to j: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy…”
J: “Mama am I your only sunshine?”
Mama: “No I have two children”
J: “Mama you are my only sunshine. No no no. You and j. No no no. You, j and daddy.”

Me: “J, why are you wearing jeans with your pajama shirt?”
J: “I waited too long.”

Mama: “Ok… j just complained that the milk from my right breast is too cold. Then tried the left and stated that she likes that one better! LOL”
(Mama says that j knows left from right because of her mole. You play with it while you nurse.)

What’s your name?
j: “jooyea”

Mama: “let’s make playdoh dinos guys!”
Joshua: “can you please make mamenchisaurus, pteranodon, spinosaurus and some trilobites?”
Mama: “?? sure!”
Julia: “mama make rock please”
Thank goodness for Julie’s low expectations!

j – flipping through your brother’s dino encyclopedia
j: “That’s Cambrian (pointing at a creature in the Cambrian period). That’s Cambrian! That’s Cambrian. That’s Opabinia. Me looking for T-Rex. It’s somewheaaa.”

**overheard at bathtime**
j: “me want to live pluto”
J: “Julia, we cannot live in Pluto, it is too cold!”
j: “me want pluto, daddy get me pluto!”
J: “you cannot live there!”
j: “penis? “I love penis”

Me: “Stop staring at me j.”
j: “I like nipples.”

j: “I like Minmi. I wanta if that’s triceratops.”
Me: ????? “You wonder if that’s tricepratops?”
j: “I like octopus so much.”
(You’re in an I-love-everything phase right now.)

Me: “What animal is Gummy?”
j: “Kua la la”

j: “I want to live on Pluto.”
J: “It’s cold there.”
j: “Wear. Jacket.”

Me to j: “I love you.”
j: “Baby.”
Me: “I love you baby.”

Mama: “I like to think I’m pretty patient but on occasion I run out. Today is one of those days.”
Auntie J: “Hang in there lady. You are a saint.”
Mama: “Tell that to j who is currently naked, rolling around the floor and crying to the top of her lungs as she calls me but as soon as I try to get close she screams and pushes me away. I’m far, far from a saint, I’d like to think one of the saints would have this done and over in a holy second.”
Auntie L: “Argh….. Life is getting tougher. Take her to courtyard and play. Will that help?”
Mama: “Maybe if she would let me put clothes on. I think at this point chemistry has taken over and she just needs time to wind down. I’m staying close and visible so she knows I’m here and one of two things will happen she’ll suddenly be ok, she’ll fall asleep (her nap was too short anyway). In the mean time I’m trying to staaaay caaaaaalm. Go, go circular breathing!”
Mama: “As predicted, suddenly she cried LECHEEEEEEEEE I somersaulted over there, took the boob out and wham, all is good. Although she is still naked (while complaining she’s cold) lolol.”

This week in pictures

We went to Sunol “Regional Wilderness” Park. It had been raining lately, which was nice after the long drought. So we thought we better take advantage of it before California dried up again by the Summer. So we asked, “Want to see Kimi swim this weekend?” You were so excited to go that even though you got sick on Friday you refused to admit it so we could go hiking on Saturday.

We found our favorite river spot a little past Little Yosemite. The last time we were here was almost 4 years ago.

And as promised, one swimming Kimi:

On the way back, j wanted to read Olivia the piggie. I said we don’t have the book. I asked you if you knew where the book was. “In me blender room. At home.” That’s right. We’ll have to go home to read it. Then I said, “Maybe we can remember the story.” And before you started crying, J started “reading” the story, word for word, page by page. You stared at him, fully engaged. It bought us some time and it kept both of you in the jogging stroller for a little longer.

We played with some 12500 rpm motors I got. It turned out that they don’t spin continuously. They need to be pulsed, so I couldn’t use them by themselves as a nighlight. I am considering making a PWM circuit with a 555 timer.

Birthday party at a park

New way to stairs – Slidebutt

Reading Ollie – one of your favorite books. You’re starting to memorize stories by asking us to read it over and over, like J did.

Parachute

I made a Darth Vader “force grip” remote for Bao

Slide at Bouncy House birthday party

Sometimes you scream, and all we can do is hold on and try not to lose it:

You’re so sweet when you’re not a banshee. But one night, when everyone was sick you were banshee again. No matter what we tried, you said, “No!” Eventually mama forced you into your car seat and took you for a drive. Eventually you calmed down and started talking. “Cars. Big truck.” You came home asleep. Mama said she didn’t want to share the bad things she was thinking. Part of being a parent is not acting on your bad thoughts.

Some stray thoughts. Remember how I showed you the map of Silicon Valley, and how there was a clear line between the Bay and East Palo Alto? I was wondering about how you could fix that. Because I think if you managed to give some of those people the right skills, it could become like another “country” right next to Silicon Valley you can outsource to. Right in the same state, but because of the virtual dividing border, you could hire people for cheaper since rent/property there is cheaper.

So I was toying with the idea of starting a “code for profit” program for poor kids there. There are some bright motivated kids there but their parents have no resources to take them to camps or classes or buy them computers or resources. Hoping for scholarship to college isn’t dependable. And the problem with that plan is they need a way to get into it BEFORE college. What could be nice is if they had a way to get into programming AND get paid for it, so it’s a self-funding hobby or education. I think most courses or tutorials are too high-level, where they train you for a professional job after college. But you don’t have to get so theoretical. Why not something more practical? Something they could use in the world around them right away. Something they can take to the local businesses and get paid for consulting-type gigs. So I think a good program would teach practical coding skills to solve the most simple but profitable small-business problems. Plus, the program should teach basic direct-response marketing and how to find work, diagnose, sell and solve problems. Some practical skills could be things like setting up a direct-response website, email capture, sales funnel, newsletter, etc. And some hands-on projects to play with could be like Android SL4A, $20 phone, $20 robot car. All they need is $100-$200 laptop. Should be easy to get sponsors.

You can get a decent laptop for $200 too. That’s what I’m using now. A Dell Latitutde E6400, refurbished from NewEgg by a “certified Microsoft refurbisher.” I know, you might be wondering, why did I get a new laptop when I already have one?

Work scare. One day my boss called me into a private room. Whenever this happens, it’s either good news or bad news (or both, but never in-between.) The last few times it was because of raises and promotions. This time he pointed to his screen and said, “Can you explain this?” It said Dreamhost. 4GB uploaded. Oct 2014. I thought carefully before I answered. But in the end I guessed that it must have been that time my web hosting company threatened to delete all my personal videos and pictures because I was violating their “not for personal backup” policy. But I don’t remember uploading 4GB. So it must have been some background sync program I was trying that got me in trouble for looking like I was leaking GBs of confidential data.

So I’m typing this on my new laptop. It’s actually an old refurbished brick, but I wouldn’t call it junk. It’s actually adequate.

I still have a box of books I bought over Christmas. And a growing stack of unread newsletters. I want to read them but I haven’t found the time. I’ve been spending my nights hacking instead. I’ve been building a popurls/IFTTT/Huginn/Jarvis framework. What’s different with my version is I’m building it using Google’s Chrome platform. So, you don’t need a server or have to set anything up. Just click Install from the Chrome Web Store. The idea is to allow people to design their own dashboard or news mashup. It streams anything you want from anywhere else online and puts it on one page. The nice thing about the Chrome platform is you get to hijack almost all the power of someone’s computer, without any effort on his/her part. It made me think of SETI@Home or distributed-computing, taking advantage of unused cycles/bandwith and such.

So the idea is you open my “app” in Chrome. As long as you leave it connected to the internet, it fetches updates from all your favorite sources in the background. I have been using it to monitor Reddit. We’ve also been using it to monitor homes for sale — I combine 4 different cities in the Bay Area that fall within the Cupertino school district. (The website doesn’t let you do that and I got tired of checking 4 different pages.) When I have the design more ironed out I’ll give you a tour. I was thinking that it could be a useful as a home automation command center too. Here are screenshots of what I have so far.

I called it Secret Spynosaurus (“spy lizard”). I just got it to sync to the web so I can view it from my phone when I’m away from the computer.

I have no on else to tell this to. I made the most money I’ve ever made in my life last year. I really wanted to tell mama but I didn’t. Because I think it will make me happy but not her. I’ve never told her how much I make. I don’t think it does any good. She knows how much money goes in the bank, but that’s only after-tax cash. As you can see, I am deliberately not disclosing the exact amount, because I’m aware that by the time you read this, you’ll probably be earning your own money too. And it will do no good for you to compare what you’re making with me. Happiness comes from enjoying every challenge you face and from the work itself. Yes, money is how you keep score, but if money is all you care about you’ll never be happy. Keep track of money like it’s a game, but make sure that in whatever you do, you relish the journey. Love the struggle. Because that’s all there is in life. Your final stop is death, and you can’t keep anything anyway, so might as well make a fun adventure out of it.

Interesting things

Google reveals what people of any age are asking – just go to Google and search for “I’m __(insert age)__ should I…” and let Google autocomplete. Most people consider him the greatest drummer of all time. Arthur C Clarke accurately predicted what the 21st century would be like, in a time when not everyone even had telephones at home. Cockpit tour by a pilot of the world’s fastest jet. A quick way to cut glass.

Pale Blue Dot. Today is the 25th anniversary of this picture. It was taken by Voyager, not because NASA wanted to, but because Carl Sagan convinced them to. NASA didn’t think there was any scientific value in it, and they were worried that turning toward the Sun could damage Voyager, but Carl Sagan insisted. He argued that it would be a valuable perspective for all humans, to see our place in the cosmos.

Sorry I complain about writing every time. But honestly, when I get around to it and after I get going it’s like therapy, because apart from mama, I haven’t found many friends to talk about all this stuff with. Do you think I should write a personals ad to find a friend?

Love,

Dad

P.S. We’re starting to ramp up our house hunt. The competition is intense this time of year so we’re waiting and just snooping. It seems like the right time to get serious is June, when the demand eases and the supply goes up slightly. It’s crazy, it seems like the peak demand is slightly under 1MM. Because if my income is slightly above average and I can afford a 1MM home with just my income, it means that the majority buying 1MM homes are really stretching their average incomes much farther than they should with a 2-income household. I think you have to push slightly above 1MM to avoid competing with all the cockroaches coming out of the woodwork. Ideally, 1.4MM seems to be the bang-for-buck sweet spot in the Bay Area right now. You get much more house for each 100K increase above 1.2MM, than for each 100K increase between 900K and 1.2MM.

I think the worst time to buy a house is when you can afford what everyone else can afford. The best time is when you save up enough to buy a house most people can’t afford, or if you go for something most people don’t want. But not too far, or demand goes down. Try to stay right ahead of the peak demand curve. It also seems like the irrational emotional attachment to a “house” house is strong and healthy. For example, it looks like townhomes/condos track salaries closer (as they should), but the emotional premium of owning a house with a backyard inflates house prices. So if you want to get exactly what you pay for and sell it for exactly for what it’s worth, buy a townhome/condo. But if you want to invest in the ever-growing inflation of people’s desires, buy a house. But buy one slightly more expensive than the one most people can afford, to the right of the peak demand, where the curve starts tapering off slightly.