How we designed Mama’s ring

Dear Js,

I just realized that I hadn’t told you this story. It happened before either of you were born. In October 2010, we started on an adventure. I didn’t know what to expect. I had never gone engagement ring shopping before. Mama has. I don’t even remember what made us decide to do it. Because I hadn’t proposed and we hadn’t decided on marriage. Maybe we were bored one day and decided, “Let’s go look at engagement rings.” We must have been serious, because you don’t go engagement ring shopping unless you’re serious.

I took mama to the best place I found near us. I opened the door and there was an old couple chatting with the owner, Neil. I probably had a blank look on my face because he asked, Hi, What can I do for you today?
I said, We’re looking for an… engagement ring.
“Anything in mind?”
A ring. With a diamond.
The old couple laughed, wished us luck and left.

I read a little but I had no idea. Neil was nice enough to educate us. He took his time too. In the end we knew everything the diamond industry wanted us to know about diamonds. Then we started looking at the displays and flipping catalogs. But nothing seemed right. I knew what I liked, and every design had something or other off about it. Mama added another constraint. She said she didn’t like prongs. She preferred a bezel with a flat profile. But she didn’t want all the bling that usually went around the halo bezels.

The closest we found were these…

Then Neil said, “By the way, we specialize in custom rings. So if you don’t find anything you like, you could design your own.” And the price would be less than what we’d pay for a designer band. Interesting, I thought. It’s cheaper because we don’t pay for the brand. But without the brand, everything depended on the design. There would be no crutch to explain to friends, “It’s a _____ ring.” If we screwed it up and revealed that we designed it ourselves, we’d see everyone’s face drop each time. They’d say “Oh…” but try to force a sympathy smile.

But still. We didn’t see anything remotely close to what we wanted. I wondered why. It wasn’t til we made our own ring that I understood why. One of the reasons was the design we wanted was impossible. Or rather, impossible to make a profit from. After I explain our process, you might see why too. We decided to try. The idea of getting something unique and the only one in the world and exactly how we wanted was too tempting.

I knew there was another powerful factor. When you pick anything off the rack, there’s no story. If we paid our dues and suffered through the agony of bringing our design to life, we get something more valuable than diamond or gold. We get a story. A story that’s special to us. Something none of her girlfriends can top with bigger diamonds.

That night, I went back and imagined how a ring with a bezel could work without prongs. I made a few sketches, but as hard as I tried, they all kept coming back to one simple solution — two half-bezels. A full bezel will always be big, because it has to wrap the girdle. And a full bezel would look naked without diamonds. We knew we didn’t want so many diamonds. Plus, a full bezel needs prongs. We didn’t want prongs. So if we didn’t want prongs, we’d need two half-bezels that hugged the diamond, and swept back into the band.

From the beginning, I knew there were three viewing angles I wanted the ring to look good from. 1) Looking down the finger from the wrist, 2) Looking down from above, and 3) Looking from the side of the finger. No matter where the curves flew, I had to make sure the lines line up on these 3 angles. So, from wrist view, I tried to make sure there was a window that revealed and framed the diamond. From the top, I wanted sexy curves that were balanced, but complimented rather than drowned the diamond. And on the side view, my early sketch reminded me of a rose and I liked it, so I tried to keep the rose profile.

I got frustrated, and wondered how else I could communicate this. I decided to make a paper model. One reason was to have a way for Neil to examine it by hand, to see how the lines flowed in 3-D. And the other reason was to show that I wasn’t just armchair bossing them around. I wanted them to see that I was committed and willing to work hard too.

Then Neil called. He said that his CAD guy was going to be in town. He gave me the opportunity to sit with him to finish the design. I said, “Are you sure?” Most artists hate someone ordering them around over the shoulder. But I knew it was exactly what we needed. I apologized and as a courtesy, asked if he was sure if he was okay with it. If he said no I would be screwed, but I needed for him to feel like he committed voluntarily.

We must have sat for hours. I tried to be focused and precise. I had no time for nitpicking. I just had to get the most important things perfect, because I wasn’t going to get a second chance. To achieve what I wanted, I noticed that he had to bust out some fancy functions like splines and volumes. There were fast ways to push curves, but that usually gets you jagged lines. Perfect, seamless and smooth curves that curved exactly the right way are hard work. He had the skills, but I’m sure he was hoping he didn’t have to use them.

In a way, all this effort made me feel great about our design. Because I could see all the 100 hurdles in execution that could trip someone else up. And I think that’s true for anything you do. The harder you’re willing to work over others, the more pain you’re willing to endure, the more unique exotic experiences you’ll get to enjoy.

Meanwhile, we worked as hard finding the perfect diamond for our band. By now, we had a good relationship with Neil. He knew what we needed and he kept his eyes open. He called one day and said, “I found one. You’re going to like it.” It was something from a lot that was purchased at a lower price before some event caused diamond prices to inflate. But more than the price, it had something special about its cut:

Since symmetry was our theme and biggest challenge for the band, the symmetry of the diamond fit perfectly.

Finally, we celebrated setting the ring. We had seen the diamond and the band before, but separately. For the first time, they would fuse to form a ring. They bought us a nice Indian dinner and Neil’s parents joined us.

The ring had taken so long that you were born before it was done. We just don’t know how to do things in the right order.

Here’s me spying on a sleepy mama

And a closeup

And here’s the review I left Neil:

This is a hard review to write, because it is hard to talk about the many positive experiences with Neil Dahl, without writing a long essay. Since we went the custom route for an engagement ring, I’ll write a review focusing on the custom process, for anyone considering creating a one-of-a-kind ring.

We wanted a ring that didn’t have a prong setting, but we didn’t want a usual bezel setting since they tend to conceal the diamond. The design we came up with had a band/shank that flowed around the diamond, hugging it at 2 points where the curves touched the diamond — giving an illusion that the diamond is floating. When we went back to Neil with the design, I was anticipating that he was going to tell me that he wouldn’t/couldn’t do it for one of many reasons (can’t hold the diamond secure enough, not something he does, etc).

Instead, he discussed it with his jeweler network, then gave us a clear description of what can and cannot be done. This was great because I much prefer honesty and transparency and knowing all the details I needed to work with, instead of someone who promised me the moon only to fall short and reveal hidden surprises that jeapordized the project later.

Now we could finalize the design and transform the ideas to CAD. This involved numerous iterations, but Neil and his team were patient and professional throughout the process. Neil worked hard to ensure that there was good communication between all involved parties. One of the tricky things about our design was that it had asymmetric curves that formed symmetry when viewed together. Also, because the design was simple and a solitaire setting (without things like flanking diamonds or pave to distract the eye), we wanted to make sure every curve was deliberate, super clean and perfect from every angle. Otherwise, the design would fall apart and look amateurish. Writing this makes it seem way more complicated than it is, so if you are looking for a custom ring with no prongs, drop by Neil’s and ask to see Aaron’s ring. The one with the curves.

Anyway, Neil and his team helped us accomplish this. I think any other custom jeweler would have thought of this project as too much trouble for its worth, gotten frustrated and given up, or not have been as accommodating or committed in addressing the details of our design.

After we were satisfied with the CAD model, it was transformed into a wax prototype that we could hold in our hands and examine, before the final mold for casting was made. After the OK from us, the ring was casted using our metal of choice. Amazingly, the casted ring looked exactly like the wax prototype (despite the variables in the casting process and materials).

Next was the diamond selection. Neil took the time to help us select the perfect diamond for the setting, the design of our ring, and our budget. In addition to that, he found us a selection of diamonds that were possibly the best in their class, and were of better quality than even some diamonds with a better spec sheet. When you buy from places like Blue Nile, you’re paying for specs. But, there is a large variation in quality for any given spec, because the specs are not comprehensive. E.g., you can get a VVS1 with an ugly inclusion smack in the middle of the top/table of the diamond, while you can get a better-looking VS1 with an inclusion that you can barely find near the bottom/tip/culet. That is why it surprises me that Neil chooses to offer diamond prices that are competitive with Blue Nile (a website that sells you diamonds without you seeing them first), when the quality, service and education he offers are far superior.

Using cars as an analogy, buying from Blue Nile is like ordering a car from the internet based on its table of specifications, without test-driving it first. On the other hand, buying from Neil is like buying a car from someone who first teaches you how to drive, then lets you test drive multiple cars with wide open throttle and maximum lateral Gs on a track with an instructor sitting beside you… for free. The bottom line is, Neil doesn’t try to sell you a diamond, or persuade you into a purchase. Instead, he gives you free education so that you have all the information you need to make the best choice for yourself.

Finally, the stone was set. We were invited to watch this last step of the process. Because of the floating bezel, Neil made sure to find us the person with the best skills to set it. It had to be painstakingly set the old-fashioned way, and extra care was needed to make sure that the “floating diamond” didn’t float away 🙂 We were impressed by the precision and care of the setting — the angles of the diamond and the laser inscriptions were lined up and squared perfectly with the rest of the ring.

It has been a wonderful experience creating an engagement ring with Neil Dahl. Every step of the process was executed with top quality and attention by each person in his team, and the final product is outstanding.

I know the engagement ring and diamond industry are bullshit. I hate the institution as much as I hate Christmas. But I learned my lesson from Christmas. As much as I think it’s bullshit, the only thing that happens if I refuse to play along is I hurt everyone who celebrates it. Like mama. So while I have no faith in diamonds or gold or engagement rings, I have faith in the power of mass delusion and an institution bound to hopeless ideals of love and religion. De Beers started a perfect monster that I don’t see dying in our lifetimes.

So why not play along? I rationalize it by saying that for as long as the majority remain deluded, diamond and gold prices will only go up. So if you can afford it, sometimes you’ll find yourself happier playing along, especially if someone else’s feelings are involved.

Mama loves her ring. At least that’s what she tells me. And she always gets a kick from being stopped by women who go, “Ooo… what’s that?” And that’s the most valuable souvenir.

That’s the idea. In anything you do, choose the adventure that gives you the best story.

Love,

Dad