We’re home :) (+ happy birthday mama!)

Dear Js,

Buying a house felt like a scam. You sign papers that say you’re buying a house. But no house. You wire money into a stranger’s bank account. Still no house. It’s a lot of waiting, punctuated by “urgent! time sensitive!” demands from the bank to give them documents you don’t have about the money you do have. I’ve never felt so financially exposed, having every cent I own probed and examined. And knowing that it’s all black and white. The bank has every interest to kicking your ass back to reality. No pretending you’re richer than you are because the bank must be absolutely sure you can afford it before they risk lending to you.

So after the tickles and “pinch me-s” of finally buying a house, the mortgage gauntlet has whipped all the joy out of it. It became a pain in the ass. I was ready for it to be over. I missed my routine. It wasn’t just the mortgage either. I didn’t like having to figure out when to fumigate, what washer/dryer would fit in our tiny laundry closet, or what’s the correct way to install the water line to the fridge so it will never leak.

I couldn’t wait to get moved and settled in, and get a workspace set up so I can get back into a routine.

I joked with our agent that the escrow process feels like running across a shallow pond filled with gators. It makes it very difficult to properly celebrate. We rejoice a little each time we survive a snap and we get closer to the other side. But then another gator opens its mouth.

And so on the 2nd last day of escrow, I made the biggest wire transfer in my life ever. It was my final deposit with the down payment so they could fund my loan. Holy moley you can bet I checked all the numbers 3000 times. I held my breath for 3 hours, waiting for it to clear. I thought about what a tragedy it would be if somehow the wire got lost… and all the cash I had disappeared, along with our house. I was not really able to stay calm. In my head I was smoking and my hands were trembling and ashes were falling everywhere.

Meanwhile, I signed more papers, and the bank surprised us with more “URGENT!” requests for things we didn’t have. So more frantic phone calls to persuade, plead, beg and “thank you so so so so much” to get them.

But in the end we survived. We couldn’t have cut it any closer but we did it. On Thursday, September 10th (the last day of Escrow), we got news that our loan was funded. We missed the 12:30pm cutoff for the title recording. But it was finally final. Meaning I could finally stop worrying, but I couldn’t because the last month had me so used to worrying about this or that each day. But we got the keys and confirmed out fumigation on that Friday itself. Technically we didn’t own the house yet but they were nice and they let us.

I was glad I didn’t stop worrying, because the very next day I got a call from our lending agent. She said the bank was holding her check, because they were STILL missing this ONE document that they MUST have on their file. They blackmailed her because they couldn’t bug me anymore since they signed and funded my loan. I said don’t worry, we’ll get you what the bastards want so you can get paid. I wasn’t going to be a jerk and leave her high and dry. We schemed a way to get what we needed from our landlord and I played my part. In the end the bank released their grubby claws and we scampered away as fast as we could, wheezing.

One thing bothered me. When we did our walkthrough with the seller, the dad showed me the house. Out in the driveway, he said that neighbor has a dog. I mentioned our dog. He said, “You have a dog?” I thought that’s strange, I told you a story about our stupid dog in our letter. And your agent said you liked it. So I concluded that the dad never read the letters. He was either busy, or maybe he just didn’t care. Maybe it’s because sometimes when you have to give up something you treasure, you prefer not to care who has it next. Like if you found out your ex hooked up with someone else shortly after your break up, you really don’t want to know anything about it. Or like when I sold my 350Z to some punk kid. The best way I dealt with it was to imagine that he was going to Total it. When I gave it one last wash, I didn’t say, “Hope you’ll have a nice 2nd life with your new owner.” It was, “Goodbye.”

So when they said they loved the letters, it was probably the mom. Which, now that I think about it, makes sense. The house was hers and the kids. Dad worked, they were the ones who spent the most time in it.

newhouse.exe

As soon as our loan was funded, mama executed what he called “newhouse.exe”:

* Meeting M for keys at 4pm
* Buying rake, OH YEAH! (shovel and rubbermaid box too)
* Doing fumigation prep
* other section 1 work scheduled (in family calendar)
* Left message for plumber about water heater
* Meeting cleaners at the house at 6pm for an estimate

Pending:
* Need to confirm date for pool fence install
* Need to call and get estimates from movers
* Need to schedule the roof inspection for leak free warranty (do we still want this?)
* Need to call The Pool Guys for service
* Ikea for kids’ bedroom furniture with Abu tomorrow

Qs:
– j wants to bring Bao, I said, OK
– J wants to bring Kimi, mama unsure, what do you think?

The great family migration. And so it began. Years of piling up junk and now we had to move all of it. I smashed apart my L-shaped desk to junk it. But I saved the top because it was a nice dense and smooth surface and it could stop bullets. Whoever built that desk was crazy. He not only used bolts, he wood-glued everything together. The Internet taught me that vinegar dissolves white wood glue. I tried it and it worked! Without the vinegar it was stuck like concrete. When the vinegar soaked in, it softened like chewing gum.

It was nice driving to the house in the morning for the first time. There were kids walking to school, like cows. 6 kids were walking in the middle of the road front of my car one day. Just casually strolling and chatting. 2 of them on the left saw me and moved aside. Then the 3 on the right moved right. The one kid in the middle kept chatting with his friends, as if cars do not exist. He jumped when he finally noticed he was about to walk into a stopped car 1 foot in front of him. I guess this was a safe neighborhood for kids.

Moving is tough with kids. It’s hard enough as it is. But almost impossible with kids. You can’t do anything. One of you will grab my hand, another will grab my legs. I was so mad we had so much to do but I couldn’t do anything with you sticky monkeys. So I ended up taking you to the park to climb a tree, watch soccer, pee behind a shed and toss tennis balls on a volleyball court. I realized I had to adjust my expectations. I had to plan to only doing critical things when you monkeys are awake. We had to save the real moving work for after dark.

Box cutter moving mystery. This was another one of those strange questions mama asks me from time to time. This time it was, “Did you take the box cutter blade?” I said What? The box cutter is right there, in the toolbox by the garage door. “Yes, but did you take the blade?” “What do you mean?” “The box cutter is there, but the blade is missing.” WHAT THE HOW THE F- did one of the kids take it? “No, the kids were with me at the neighbors.” “Did one of the neighbors take it?” “No… Plus why would they take just the blade?” “DID SOMEONE STEAL OUR BLADE from our open garage?” We never figured it out. I now have a box cutter in one of our toolboxes, with no blade. Strange, and a little creepy.

You know I still haven’t told my parents about the house. I didn’t do it earlier because I didn’t want the extra stress of them riding along the rollercoaster. But I think I will have to tell them soon. It will be hard to hide a house for long. We eventually surprised them on Skype, like “Surprise! Do you notice anything different?”

Kimi @ new home. As soon as she got there she started defending us by barking at all our neighbors’ dogs. Then she fell in the pool. Nobody saw her fall in. Mama only saw her clawing herself out. She later went back to tap on the pool cover. She would tap with her paw on one side then lick and drink. Then she walked to the other side, tap tap drink. J you almost fell in too, while you were running and laughing at her and not looking ahead.

Then on another day, we left Kimi in the backyard to check out the elementary school’s playground. We thought she would appreciate being able to run around, then bask in the sun after she got tired. Instead, she succeeded picking a fight with one of our neighbors, Mr. B. When we came back, we found him knocking on our front door. Kimi had been up at his fence barking at him the whole time we were away, while he was trying to work. I apologized profusely, knowing what a pain in the ass she can be. Then we got her a bark collar.

I made sure to try it on first. I didn’t dare try it on my neck, so I tried it on my wrist. It felt like a pinch that stings only like electricity does. I’d say it was as intense as a zap of static electricity from when you slide down the slide. But lasts a little longer. Anyway, you’re probably curious about how Kimi did with it.

The next day, mama let her out into the backyard with the collar. Here’s what she told me happened. Again, I’m sad I missed all the Kimi shenanigans. She only got zapped twice (she’s a smart dog.) First, she barked at our neighbors again. The collar gave her 3 warning beeps, each longer than the last. Then she got her first zap. Mama said she jumped, then tucked her tail and promptly squatted to poo. Then she ran to her house and hid. What did you two monkeys do? Laugh, of course. You chased her around and barked at her to try to get her to bark. She growled and snapped at you but she was smart enough not to bark. But in the evening she got her second zap when a delivery truck drove by. She hasn’t been zapped since.

The $290, 100% legal scam. Wait til you hear about this almost-criminal but perfectly legal operation I discovered by accident. I discovered it one night as I was moving boxes from our old house into my car. I was loading it up to drive it over to the new house in the morning. I dropped my desktop computer tower into the trunk. Then I figured the monitor and desk items were going to take longer, because they’re more delicate. So I shut the trunk and locked the car up. I didn’t want someone stealing my computer, or my car. Then I closed the garage door, because we had piles of stuff there and I didn’t want anyone to steal them.

I came back out when mama came back from the store. I asked her, “Why did you move the car?” She said, “What car? I didn’t move the car.” I rushed outside to see rubber trails and gashes in the courtyard in front of where my car was parked. First thing I thought was someone stole the car. I was so furious I couldn’t speak. Mama called the cops, cops told her it was towed. I said, “TOWED? WHAT! WHO?” One of our neighbors? Couldn’t be… We called the tow company and they said smugly, “Yup, we have your car. If you want it, you can pay us $390 to get it tonight, or $290 if you wait til morning.” I yelled at the guy on the phone and he said too bad, it is what it is. If you don’t collect your car, the fee goes up each day and in the end we’ll just keep the car. I said, “You guys just stole my car from in front of my house.” The guy said, “Nope, you were parked on private property that said no parking.” I demanded to know who asked to tow the car, and he revealed that they have a contract with the H.O.A. I asked how much they were paid, he said they the H.O.A. pays them nothing. Schmucks like me pay them. I wanted to call them and scream at them and inflict pain on them, but I wouldn’t be able to get of one of them til morning, and even then they’d just hang up on me after 3 seconds… and I’d get nowhere trying to get my money back. Could I scheme a way to humiliate them publicly or destroy their careers or private property? Maybe, but that would take time and I’d still not get any compensation. Plus, it would mean I’d draw out this ordeal and I’d just stay angry longer. I tried bribing the guy on the phone, I tried to figure out if I could bribe the guy at the gate. But they were unshakeable — cameras everywhere he said. All cars recorded as soon as they enter the lot, he said. He couldn’t help me even if he wanted to. Well, he could, but it would have to be worth risking his job. I found out the next day why the place was run like a prison.

Our neighbor was nice enough to drive me to the lot the next morning. Got there right as they opened. Clean and proper guy with a short-sleeved shirt like a mechanic’s greeted me. Very polite. Good morning, sir. Sir this, sir that. Pleases and Thank yous. I figured eh this is a shitty situation, this guy is just doing his job. Might as well try to be civil and maybe try and get a story out of this. So I made a comment, “It must be hard to have a job where everyone comes in here mad at you.” He replied, “Yeea… Well, No. It’s not too bad. Could be worse. At least it’s a legal way to make money.” Then he tells me about how some of his buddies are still in jail, some of them still doing — he caught himself mid-sentence and told me no more. Then I realized that this is one of the few businesses that doesn’t care if you have a criminal record. He remained professional, showed me my car, I checked that the tow truck didn’t leave any damages, got in, he opened the gate, I waved at him, he waved at me, and off I went along my way. $290 poorer, but happy to put this incident behind me… so I can go back to happy thoughts and new home. I was grateful though, that I could absorb the surprise $290 expense. There are families who have to walk for hours to get to the only place they can find work and struggle to feed their families.

Anyway, before that incident, I was still biased to our old home. It was familiar and comfortable. Our new home was strange and new and I found myself spinning in-place, trying to find something or trying not to bump into walls. But after that incident, I was happy to move. Good riddance. Glad to be done with that place with the Nazi parking policies and rowdy stadium nearby. Did I tell you that they had jets putting on a show one evening? And the jets fired their afterburners above our house. It set off car alarms and we were outside playing in the courtyard at the time. You jumped in fright and covered your ears and looked up and said, “There’s fire! That’s like Echo and Bravo!”

So in a way, you can say the $290 bought my freedom. It made me happy to say goodbye to the old house and increased my love for the new house.

New home. We made our first box dropoff after they lifted the fumigation tent. j, you asked as we were leaving, “Can we keep it, Abu?” For the last couple of days I’ve been waking up and asking myself the same question. Could this be true? Is this house ours? Will I lose it? Can I make the payments? It’s so crazy, how much houses cost. But the bank thinks I can, after running me through the gauntlet. And they considered only my salary, which is just 60% of my total income. So if the bank is confident I’m not a risky investment, I guess I can afford it? I feel lucky that we got to end with this fairytale ending. When we started looking in Cupertino, the market was so crazy that we thought we’d end up in a shed in someone’s backyard. FYI, our first mail delivery was Comcast. Our first Amazon delivery was for our induction cookware. None of our old pots worked with the fancy stovetop that the previous owner left for us.

We had our first goodbye from our new home. It was a strange feeling, leaving for work from the strange new house and the unfamiliar driveway. J you were standing at the doorway, leaning against the door handle and peeking out. It feels more like home each time we visit. Each time we fill it with things that carry memories and good feelings with them. Like our piano, your toys and books. You packed your own things and you were happy to unpack them. I set them down in the empty living room – I figured it’d give you guys something to play with.

Home is where you fix things. Nothing gives you the satisfaction of ownership more than fixing or modifying it. Because you fix it because it’s yours and you care about it. And as you fix it you make it yours. I was annoyed we hadn’t moved our ladder because I couldn’t pull down the beeping smoke detector. That day, our former neighbor Auntie L insisted on surprising us with pizza. We sat on the floor. Kimi was stressed with having a guest and having food in front of her. I didn’t realize how much I was annoyed by not being able to fix something broken… until I brought a chair to the house the following morning and removed the damn beeping smoke detector.

Goodbye old house:
j: “I like the old house. I want to go back to the old house.”
Me: “Do you like the old house, J?”
J: “No.”
Me: “I’m sure you liked it a little…”
J: “Yeah, but I like the new one better. I like the pool. It’s bigger. It’s quiet.”
Me: “I am going to miss the old house.” As I drove another carload of boxes away, I said, “Goodbye, old house.”
J: “Why did you say goodbye?”
Me: “Because we’re leaving it.”
J: “I don’t understand why you miss the old house.”
Me: “I don’t really miss the house.
J: “The things I miss are like the friends we left behind. I can’t have them there on the courtyard anymore.”
Me: “But they can come visit.”
Me: “Yup. I don’t miss the house…”
J: “You miss the things that happened I the house. Like the train station…”
Me: “The bike path…”
But I did miss the house a little. When I visited it one last time, coming from our new place, it felt small and cramped. But I felt something looking up at the bedroom windows. It was the house we moved into before we had kids. It was the house you two came into and grew up as babies. We had many memories in that house. And memories are what make a house a home.

First Swim. The pool fence is up. Mama feels more at ease. We went for a swim today. In J’s words: “I *love* this pool!” Since then, it’s gotten a little cold, so we haven’t really been able to enjoy it. But I don’t ever say no. When you want to swim, I let you try and see for yourself if you want to swim. One evening, I pulled the cover off to wade in by the steps. I just put on swim shorts but kept my shirt on. You two wanted to be in full swimming gear. J jumped into a duck tube float. j, you swan dived without any floats. I stared with my mouth open for 1 second, and I saw you kicking as hard as you could. Your eyes were the only part above the water and they looked like you were screaming for me. I jumped in and lifted you up and you tried to cry but your mammalian diving reflex kept cutting off your airway. I did my best to calm you down and warm you up. I was happy that you still wanted to go back in. But I made sure to hammer into your monkey heads again that you can’t swim without floats. I gave you two a new rule: no going into the pool unless there is an adult there to catch you.

Goodbye Abu. j, your morning routine has been to sneak into Abu’s room and sing, “Aboooeeeelaaaa… waaake uuuuup! Time to make coffeeeee!” Mama is always sad when she puts Abu’s coffee pot away. And she’s always happy when she gets to take it back out. She’s had that coffee pot since the first time Abu visited. Even before she met me.

Lazy mornings. In the new house, you two have been waking up an hour later. Maybe it’s because it’s quiet here. Or maybe because we have wooden plantation shutters that block the morning light. In any case, it’s causing me to get to work an hour later too. Because usually you wake up before me for an hour, then I try to sleep a little longer but some ruckus wakes me up. I’m trying to fix it by setting my alarm clock 30 minutes earlier. I woke up before all of you sleepyheads this morning — the opposite of how it usually is.

Save the grapes! After the first night we got the keys, we got back beat and in a little pain. My hands had blisters and missing skin. You know why? When I showed up at the house, mama announced that we were going to save the grape vines from the fumigation… so she handed me a shovel and planters and soil from Orchard Supply Hardware and… guess who had to do most of the digging! So after a few hours, I have found a new respect for people who do this sort of thing every day. Although, they probably would have done things a little smarter or with better tools. Anyway, the grapes sat in temporary planters against a fence during the fumigation. I checked on it at lunchtime, and each day it lost more leaves. We messed up. We didn’t save enough of the root ball. The plant was in shock.

I emailed “grape bush video” to mama. Somehow J commandeered the computer and replied, “yes i do lik it.” Then mama replied, “That was J while I was doing something else!” The grapes turned to raisins. When I planted it back in its original spot, it lost even more leaves and the branches turned brown. The gardener finally came over, we asked him to please save the grapes from our stupidity. He announced that it’s still alive. He trimmed it back even more. I water it every day still, but it doesn’t look good. It makes me sad.

100 Years of Solitude. We gave our agent that book by Gabo as a present. She’s a writer and her writing is how we found her. She loved it. She had been reading for hours each night. She gave us a couple bottles of good wine, which we have been wanting to open since we got them, but we haven’t.

Curious convos

J: “Mama sometimes I love you so much… I get so many feelings… it makes me feel like I want to cry! Do you feel like that???”
Mama: “*hug*tear* yes. FEEL. It’s good to feel. Feel strong as much as you can.”
J: “Why?”
Mama: “Because it’s good to feel.”

J: “One night I was awake all night.”
Me: “Are you sure? You just said how dreams feel real but are not really real.”
J: “I know because I was awake.”
Me: “But Are you sure…”
J: “I WAS AWAKE! It REALLY HAPPENED!”

J: “One night I dreamed that I was lying in bed all night.”
Mama: “How do you know you were lying in the same place in bed?”
J: “Because when I woke up I was in bed.”

J to me: “I dreamed that you saved me from drowning in a pool. I dreamed about a friendly dinosaur. But I think I forgot the way and walked too close to the pool.”
Me: “I will always keep you safe. But I can only do that if I am near you. Remember not to go near the pool without a grownup.”

J: “Sometimes I say I feel like I want a different family. But I don’t really want to. Because I love you.”

Three of us in the play room
J: “eenie, meanie, minie,…”
*pause*
J: “It starts and ends with the same person.”

j: “Where’s Abu?”
“Where’s teacher Betsy?”
“Where’s mama?”

I found out that when you ask where someone is, it means you are thinking about them and you miss them.

New developments

You fight over who gets to help mama push the washer/dryer button, as well as who gets to fill them.

J, you’re doing better making friends. You saw a boy in an orange shirt alone at the playground. You went over and said, “Would you like more friends?” He said, “Yea…” Yo usaid, “I can be your friend.” He said, “Okay.”

You monkeys are playing more with each other. You are also fighting more with each other.

I don’t know if I told you this, but j, you have weaned and no longer nurse. You don’t nurse to sleep, and you don’t even ask to nurse when you are crying or hurt anymore. That used to be your way to soothe and calm down or relax. You weaned when mama had to go for her surgery. She had to be away for a few days, and it wasn’t easy to nurse you while she was recovering.

Remember the “sprinkler stomping” game I showed you at the old house? When you walked Kimi with me? Well, I’m not happy that it has carried over to the new house, because now it’s our sprinklers you’re stomping. Some of them don’t go in the ground — they’re just pipes with tubes connected to nozzles. So one day you stomped them and the tubes disconnected. I didn’t know about it until I saw water sliding down our backyard door. I opened it and there were two streams of water spraying at me and a pool by my feet. The shoes were wet, the floormat was wet, the wall was wet. We were watering our patio and good thing I caught it. I ran over flailing to shield myself, and reconnected the tubes.

J you’ve been trying new tricks on your bike. You get more daring each day you don’t fall. One day you said Look at me and you were standing on the crossbar. That’s when you fell for the first time.

With the commute to/from preschool, you’ve fallen asleep in the car enough that now you know the drill. We can unclip you from your seats, you shimmy out of the belts with your eyes closed and reach up for your koala carry. When we slide you into bed with your sweaty head you whimper, “No… no…” but you drift back to sleep.

j: “Mama I want gentle meow.” That’s something mama made up that helped you sleep. She cups her hand on your head and calls it gentle meow. If I try to kiss/hug you, you shove me away and say, “NO! NO! NO!” Then I say, “Okay okay I take it back.” And you stop frowning. Then I blow you kiss and you blow one back and you smile.

J – sometimes I don’t button the top button of my shirt. But you like to make sure I have all my buttons buttoned. If you see me at breakfast unbuttoned, you have to stand up on your chair to close it.

There was a bee in the bathroom at Bing. You happened to be peeing. You didn’t stop peeing. So you sprayed everywhere, including on yourself and your clothes. Abu laughed when mama told me the story.

PohPohPoh. One morning, Abu woke up and went downstairs to make coffee. j woke up and smelled coffee so she left our bed to look for Abu. But when mama woke up she did not find you with Abu. You were in her room, tummy down on her bed, clicking your ankles. “Look mama, poh poh poh.” You had Abu’s compact and powder.

This week in pictures

Music takes over:

Evening shenanigans:

Santa Cruz weekend

Welcome home

We visited your future school

Happy Birthday mama

Faces game

Buddies

Play house

Swing

Dancing feet

Interesting things
Californians not welcome in Oregon
“The master has failed more times than a beginner has ever tried
Screw-your-brain dancer
Koko the queen gorilla
A Minecraft build you can put on your resume.
World record rock skip
Skimboarding
Boneshaker Big Wheel
Amazing reactions
Drawing in VR
Chameleons dinnertime
Homo Naledi
WTF longest town name
Love fixes everything
Storytelling
Only 6% of crowd needed to change direction.
Amphetamines and geniuses
Stephan Holm hurdles
6 degrees of jumping
Ride on roof of train
Computer creatures learn to walk

A rags-to-riches story
“I’ll tell you how I did it. Although, I don’t have a menial job, I have an incredibly difficult and complex job and I spend about 50% of my weeknights in hotels. You work your ass off at whatever you are doing. Every single person at your current job is a potential lead to another job.

I got a job moving furniture around the showroom at a local furniture store. Working my ass off, and showing my customer service skills (that I had acquired over the past few years by trying to be the best that I can be selling computers at Staples, selling knives in a pyramid scheme, etc. yeah those pyramid schemes can and do teach you valuable skills) and always being a model employee, I was able to move into the sales role.

I met a friend in sales there who was just doing the job until he found something he liked better. Lo and behold he got his job back at Circuit City (anyone familiar with CC knows they fired all of their top sales people because they made too much money and were forced to hire many of them back after a lawsuit). He called me and asked me to come sell computers at Circuit City for him. I did so, and I fucking excelled at it.

Every menial task, every stupid shitty thing that corporate made us do, I did it. I moved into TVs, the place that made them the money, and I killed it. I learned how to demonstrate value, every day I checked the profit margins of each TV so I knew which TV made the most money in every category, so I could find the one that fit the needs of the customer and made us the most money (which generally happened to be the best TVs for the customer, low cost = low quality = low profit). I learned how to demonstrate other products with the TVs, and I learned audio, and rewired the entire theatre room so I could demonstrate any TV with any audio receiver with any speaker. I did everything I could to become great, and this gave me the skills I needed to move forward with my career.

Eventually CC closed down but my resume was killer from a retail sales perspective, my department was 8th in the company in profit per hour worked, I was 3 times higher in profit per hour than any other employee in the district. I took that to comcast and they hired me on the spot for tech support because I understood technology and clearly I was personable. I hated that job with every fiber of my being but again, I excelled at it.

I met another employee there who was much younger, but had a lot of Microsoft certs. We did the job, we smoked weed in the parking lot, etc. and we became friends. Down the road he ends up at a software company doing customer support and they needed someone to do customer facing support work (because none of the support guys knew how to talk to customers, they were what you would expect from a software company). I took that job and again, did everything in my power to excel, I impressed everyone, and they started creating new positions to accomodate my unique service and technical skillset. I learned the product, the subject matter, the company, everything.

Eventually I get to the point where I’m handling sales for all of the current customers and I can’t get the demo guy often enough. So I learn how to demo the product, that guy leaves, and I’m the only one in the company that knows the tech, the subject matter, and the demo environments, and i didnt get the job. They hired an external resource. I spent the next year making sure I was way better at everything than she was, she got canned, and I got the job.

Now I make 120k per year, am interviewing for a job with a fortune 100 company and will make 200k per year if I get it. The moral of this story is, you do every single job you get like its going to lead to a better job and it will. You have to put in the work, you have to be the best at your job, and you might do what I did, and thats end up working in a job that you didn’t even know existed. The first job at the software company paid 35k and that was 3 years ago. in 3 years i have tripled my salary, and might essentially double it again in the next couple of weeks.

TL;DR: Jobs lead to jobs and thats how the world works.

Edit: sorry for the wall of text, I’m drunk as shit because I was just out at a work dinner and I’m laying in bed in the hotel room delaying sleep. protip, get good at drinking wine and not looking drunk.

Edit 2: thank you for all of the kind messages and stories. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one that took the hard route and made it work. To everyone currently in the struggle, stay strong and to steal from the Army “Be all that you can be”. If you can do better than what you are currently doing, then do better.

“Life teaches you how to live it, if you live long enough.” -Tony Bennett

Silicon Valley / San Francisco tech culture is focused on solving one problem: What is my mother no longer doing for me?”

I wrote a review for our agent who helped us buy our home. In reality, I wrote her a sales letter. I followed a “How-to” style inspired by Ogilvy, and Bencivenga’s tip about making your ad itself valuable or contain valuable information:

How to buy a home with good schools:
1: Save for down payment
2: Call D to get pre-qualified (she works with M)
3: Call M
4: Get pre-approved with D

That’s it! M will take care of you the rest of the way.

We found M when I googled for “living in LG”. M’s blog popped up on pg 1. If you visit it, you’ll find deep insights into the area’s housing market. Every question you have has probably been answered in one of her articles. M specializes in ___

What it’s like to work with her? First you call, then you meet up. It’s a good idea to have your pre-qual ready for the 1st meeting, so you know your budget. We picked D as our lender because she works in the same office (LG – see why that’s important below). I called D in the morning & met M in the afternoon. When we met M, she already had my pre-qual from D. After M, D dropped by to start our pre-approval. It was nice to do everything in one place because we have kids.

Anyway, if you think M is cool & she thinks you’re cool, shake hands & the hunt is on! You visit open houses as usual, but with M like your guardian angel. She points out things you never noticed. She gives you insights for each house, the neighborhoods & the market. When we visited houses without her, we emailed her the address & she would reply with her thoughts. If we said we were serious, she would zoom to the house, then send us a detailed review.

Soon, you’ll fall in love with a house. And it is in the “making an offer” stage where M’s strengths shine. As you know, being a buyer sucks here. It’s always a multi-buyer scenario, houses go fast, prices are crazy, you compete with cash buyers, etc – so you need every advantage to win.

So how do you make the sweetest offer possible? Put yourself in the seller’s shoes: you want 1) as much $ as you can get, 2) smooth/fast transaction, and 3) some guarantee the sale will close. Of course, there’s 4) wildcard of a good letter, but usually the first 3 things must be there before your letter matters.

Here’s how M & her team help with the 4 items above:

1) To know what to offer, you need a good estimate of how much the house will sell for. I call M our “oracle” because she’s been at this since 1993. Her mother was a LG realtor too. She knows it inside & out, and you can see from her blogs – she’s all about facts & research.

2) M’s group is a one-stop-shop. Everyone trusts each other to meet tight deadlines with no surprises. There were times we couldn’t catch D, and M could just walk to D’s desk. You need speed here. We made offers where the deadline was 2-3 days after the open house. M worked her butt off & they went smoothly; no drama. As a plus, the bank the group works with owns the appraisal company. So you get good appraisers for your loan, which helps with 3) below

3) The most attractive offer you can make has 0 contingencies. This reassures the seller your deal will go through, because you have skin in the game. And the #1 contingency is appraisal contingency. Because in a market where buyers bid above list price, it’s hard for the seller to trust the highest offer if it has appraisal contingency. But, it’s the riskiest contingency for buyers (especially 20%-down buyers), because you need more cash if the house appraises low. To manage this risk, you need a special agent who can accurately appraise home value. The less cash you have, the less room for error. Estimate wrong & 1) you won’t have cash to close the deal & goodbye 3% deposit or 2) you pay too much. As a testament to M’s accuracy, we won with a no-appraisal-contingency offer above list price & the appraiser had no trouble valuing the house at exactly the amount we offered.

4) M has been in the biz so long, it’s like she has eyes/ears all over town. She sniffed out things like how desperate a couple may be because of the offers they’ve lost; she knows how different agents (your competition) like to work, etc. Any info M can ethically get to swing the odds in your favor, she does.

As a bonus, M has a rep for being honest & nice to work with. Because of that, you might notice sellers root for you & try to help you win because they prefer working with Team M. And M is well-connected in her ‘hood. For instance, the agent we bought from used to work with M’s mother!

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, why not give M a call? Buying our first home was a rollercoaster. It was scary at first, but then we found M. Now we agree there’s no way we could’ve gotten the same result without her – it would’ve been like fishing in the dark with sharks, & we would have gotten less for our $.

But thanks to her, it was a pleasant adventure & I’m now writing from our home sweet home. We don’t know how long we’ll be here. But one thing’s for sure: when it’s time to sell our home, we’ll call M!

She loved it, of course:
Just emerged from the dentist & read your incredibly generous review before I head to a showing appt at 11:30. I cannot thank you enough and am deeply honored & touched by your narrative. What an endorsement!! Thank you, thank you!! Gratefully, M

I replied: You’re welcome 🙂 By the way, I don’t write generous reviews, just honest ones 😉

I just found out something interesting. There’s a squash club 6 mins from our house. But that’s not what’s interesting. If you go to their website, it’s hopeless and doesn’t say anything useful or how to sign up. On yelp people say the place is like a hole in the wall. What’s interesting is in the About section, they mention that the club’s head coach is Rahman Khan. He used to be the coach to former world #1 squash legend named Jahangir Khan. How do you NOT know about Jahangir Khan? From Wikipedia: “From 1981 to 1986, he was unbeaten in competitive play. During that time he won 555 matches consecutively, the longest winning streak by any athlete in top-level professional sports as recorded by Guinness World Records.”

Love,

Dad

P.S. I need to learn to relax like this