Dear J,

It’s me again. Mama has been busy with Abu since her maternity leave began. You were crying when we put you to bed the first night. You didn’t want to sleep. You said “I’m crying because I want Abu.”

Another night, you woke up calling me, “Daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy…” We heard you on the monitor and I went to check.

“Are you okay?” You knew you felt something, but you weren’t sure.
“You want a hug?”
“Yeaaa?”
I picked you up and hugged you.
Then you said, “I want to go downstairs and play in the living room.”
“It’s late Joshua. Mr sunshine is not out yet.”
I rocked you, and mentally started preparing myself for a knotted back again, when you said…
“Daddy put me back in bed.”
And you repeated, “Mr Sunshine is not out yet. Good night daddy.”

As you can see in the video above, you can pedal yourself now. On the way back from the park, I accidentally commented, “Yay, you can show Sam and Sydney!” I thought it would make you pedal home faster. But you stopped, thought for a minute, then hopped off and raised your arms at me, “Daddy pick me up! Take me to Sam and Sydney?” You got excited and concluded that the fastest way home is for me to carry you. You were right.

You changed your doll’s diaper 12 times the other day. You kept saying, “Baby made kaka!” “You are okay baby. Joshua’s cleaning you.” You reminded us that we must never leave you alone with Julia.

Two-faced Beasts

Remember a letter or two ago, I mentioned I made a sign that said, “People are animals.” Well, I made a mistake. Actually, people are TWO beasts. That includes me. And that includes you.

Sloppily speaking, it has something to do with the neo-cortex, which is responsible for higher-level, Dr Jekyll cognitive functions, and the limbic system – our old mammalian brain. Simplified, think of them as one for Cognition, and one for Emotion.

We are effectively two people, depending on which brain you’re using. When you use your cognitive processes, you care less about people, make more logical, calculated decisions, etc. When you use your emotional brain, your body is overtaken by powerful feelings and your feelings compel you to act.

Remember this fact: your emotions will always defeat your cognition. After all, they were designed to scream at your body to run when you see a tiger chasing, and ask questions later.

Also remember that, like Jekyll and Hyde, the decisions you make at any time may become useless when you switch to the other beast. For example, when you are sober, you understand you should protect yourself from risky behavior, and you know exactly what you must do. But in a beastly state, you will throw better judgement out the window.

So, a smarter thing to do is not to expect the beast to listen to reason. But, to, when you’re sober, devise tricks to help you when you beast out, fully taking into account that you’ll be an idiot.

Speaking of beasts – I plopped onto the floor near the end of the night the other day. You took advantage of this and threw your legs over my back.

Meanwhile, our mini-beast Kimi did something even beasts would be ashamed of. You went in your potty. We cheered, shouted to tell mama, and we went on to bathtime. When we were done, I picked you up to dry you and take you to your changing table.

Strange – your potty was empty. “Mama, did you clean the potty?” No, she replied. Nothing was on the floor next to it. Nothing spilled… which meant… KIMI. SHE DRANK YOUR PEE. All of it too. She didn’t try it, realize it wasn’t water, and stopped herself. She tried it, realized it was pee, AND KEPT DRINKING. No self control.

By the way, self control is a better predictor of success than IQ. This is why Kimi will always be a failure. And if you want to be successful (and not fail like Kimi), you need to exercise. Yes, a good way to think of it is Self Control is like a mental muscle. It needs exercise. It gets tired when you use it. It depletes by night time, as you resist temptation throughout the day. It gets stronger with practice.

This is unrelated but I thought it was funny. One morning, you said, “I want to brush teeth by myself.” You picked up your toothbrush, smeared it across your teeth and said: “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ” Mama laughed and said, Joshua, your toothbrush is not electric.

Mama and Abu have been busy getting everything ready for her arrival. We bought a new mattress for the bed. The current one is too old lumpy, and not firm enough for Julia to sleep with us. Mama finally packed her hospital bag.

I packed mine too… and stashed it in the trunk in case I get THE phone call. My bag has the video camera, tripod, battery charger, batteries, my little KA-BAR fixed blade (it was already in there… and hey who knows I may need it). You can see where my priorities are.

Abu has been practicing driving with my silver SUV. She’s already comfortable enough to brake with her left foot.

Mama’s contractions are getting more regular now. Her belly is lowering day by day. I laid next to mama for a while earlier. She was lying on her side with her belly resting on the bed. I slid on hand under and one hand over. Nothing happened for a while. Then mama groaned, and 1 second after that, I felt Julia’s elbow on the top and her knee below. She has pointy elbows. She was stretching… it’s tight in there.

I was in a funk earlier. More easily annoyed than usual, didn’t know why. Maybe it was because of a phone call I got from an old friend. I need to take some time to process this surge of rage. I don’t understand it yet.

One thing I do know is it’s getting warm. We turned on the AC for the first time this year. Maybe the heat is bothering me. Funny – your mom and I grew up in tropical heat. We played for hours in the hot sun as children. And here I am complaining about early California summer.

Ungrateful beast.

And that’s today’s last beastly lesson: we overestimate how long positive or negative experiences affect us. This is the Recency Bias. As time goes on, we forget. We weigh recent events more than earlier ones. E.g. people think winning the lottery will make them happy for the rest of their lives. Or people think moving to a cold place will make them miserable.

This is yet another reason why you should always try to be present. Things pass, and nothing will ever be more real or rewarding than now. Not your past. Not your future. Now.

Julia will be here soon. Mama hopes she comes after Saturday afternoon. She has another class to teach. You’re trying to seize our attention now. You refuse to let mama go anywhere. Mama thinks it’s because you know Julia’s coming. And you know things are going to change.

Love,

Dad

P.S. – the next time I write, I’ll probably have a picture (or video) of Julia. You’ll get to see your little sister soon!