New Scooter! (and the simplest, most accurate lesson about money)

Dear Js,

You asked, “Daddy? What’s that? Do you have a scabby daddy?” I looked at my elbow and… yup… I had a scabby. I explained, “I fell down the stairs. I slipped” That was only half true. What really happened was a combination of me being groggy from waking up… and spotting half a glass of red wine mama left on my desk overnight. I was supposed to share it with her the night before, but I fell asleep.

I thought, “Damn, mama’s probably going to pour that down the sink.” So I drank it. I felt fine, but I guess I wasn’t. Because somehow I slipped going down the same stairs I’d been going down for over 3 years.

Things happened too fast for my sleepy brain, but my spine seemed to have handled it well. In a split second, I reflexively leaned left to save my laptop in my right hand, slapped a step with my left forearm (BAM! to dissipate energy as sound), kept my fragile digits out of the way, flexed my neck so my head stayed off the floor, and flexed my abs so I didn’t get the wind knocked off me… and I rode it out.

What it sounded like was: BAM! thudthudthudthudthudthudthud *groan*. Mama thought I dropped a dumbbell or something fell from the closet. But guess how your mom reacted? After all that noise, she yelled, “What happened?” came over from the kitchen, saw me upside down at the bottom of the stairs, says, “Oh.” Then turns and walks back to the kitchen.

That’s our family for you.

It was you who shouted, “DADDY! WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU OKAY?” I ran to you to show you I was okay. “WHAT HAPPENED DADDY?” I slipped. “WHAT HAPPENED DADDY?!?!?” I slipped… I AM OKAY. Thanks for asking, unlike your mama. And thanks to those many years of slapping mats receiving throws.

By the way, as soon as you’re ready, my plan is to drill breakfalls into your reflexes too. So if you do fall doing what you do, you will know how to fall, and the benefit for me is there’s a lower chance of you breaking something so we don’t have to waste time fixing you. Other parents will say don’t do this… don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself. My plan is to first show you how to be indestructible. Then you can do whatever you’re brave or dumb enough to try.

Digital detox. One evening, I decided to leave my phone alone while I took you to the park. It was a decision to be fully present with you for that one hour. You stuffed dink the duck in the green pouch on your tricycle and off we went.

Of course, the day I don’t have my camera with me, you decide to try something amazing. We ran into Min and Han again. Kimi was happy to see them. Then Min offered to let you try his 2-wheeled scooter. (I don’t think he understands you’re only two.) I asked Do you want to try? You said no. Then I said you can try it. I will make sure you are safe.

You hopped off your bike and passed Dink to me. We lowered the handlebars, and I showed you how to ride it. Then you said, “DADDY! I want to do it all by myself!” Okay. “Daddy! Help!” Okay. I made sure you stayed upright, and we went round and round the park. You even got some glide a few times. You had so much fun you didn’t want to give it back.

On the way back, you took Dink out and said, “I’m holding Ducky like a baby” and cradled him in your arms. My back hurt.

I didn’t get any pictures or videos, but I realized again, that life is slow when it’s not interrupted by electronics. Each precious moment blends into another. Any time you interrupt it by taking out your camera, you stop it from blooming. You get to freeze the past, but you never get to see how the future would have played out, had you not interrupted it.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

Anyway, we were at the farmers’ market the other day. You were drawn to the guy making balloon animals. After gawking at him for 10 minutes, you wanted Elmo. Damnit. Yes, I could get Elmo and make you happy. But I felt dirty. I didn’t want to get you something just because you asked, especially if there was nothing to learn from it.

So, grasping, I said you need money to buy Elmo. You said, “Daddy I need money.” The first answer I gave you is a horrible one I deeply regret. I said, “To get money, you need to work.” Can you guess what you said?

What you said was not only very smart, your logic was perfect. You said, Daddy – I need my laptop so I can work. That’s when I realized it was a bad bad lesson. You followed it through to conclude that we work with our laptops. So you think you can do that too to get money. Your logic wasn’t wrong, it was the scenario I constructed for you that was terrible. Because now you think that to get money, all you have to do is push keys on your toy laptop and pretend to work.

I backtracked and scrambled to fix my error before the poisonous thought took root in your brain. I said, “To get money, you need to find someone to give you money.”

Now stop, and read that again. This is the most accurate statement about money I can think of. It is truth that will be as valid to you now at 2 years old, as it will be at 20 or 200.

If you want one million dollars, the fastest way you can get it is by asking someone with a million bucks to give it to you. But if you don’t know anyone with who will, you go for the next best thing. You find N people who will give you smaller amounts that sum up to one million. Clearly, bigger chunks will get you there sooner. And the slowest way is to get there is by asking 1 million people to give you $1 each. Well, you can go even slower, but you get my point.

So guess what you did now? The “millionaire” you knew who would give you money is mommy. “Mama can I have some money so I can buy Elmo?” Elmo cost $5 but I told her to give you $1. I said keep it safe. You kept it in your pocket. But you see how this is a much better lesson? Now you had a real path from getting money from someone else’s hands into yours. Way better than the dead-end of “working on your laptop” and hoping money will magically appear. Money moves from person to person. If you want money, find someone who will give you money.

Mama wasn’t sure she liked my answer. She objected, “Surely it’s easier to get someone to let go of $1 than $10,000?” Well, as always, you should never trust your intuition. The reality is that we keep separate “accounts” in our heads for different categories. We also set different budgets for each category. How much we are willing to pay for something has very little to do with the raw price. It has a lot to do with which “bucket” we mentally assign that purchase to. For example, we won’t fuss over a $20 difference when buying a $20,000 car, but a $20 price difference for a $20 box of chocolate is “too much”. And these days, people are okay with forking over $100,000 to go to college.

Anyway, after you went to take a nap, I started thinking. Since you enjoyed your scooter so much, I thought this could be a good chance to start the money talk and get you one. So after you woke up, we gave you the choice of buying Elmo, or a scooter. You chose scooter (good choice), and we went to the toy store.

I enjoyed spending this $45 on a solid scooter much more than the giving $5 to a balloon artist who exploits children’s feelings. We got the cashier to play along so he could pretend to take your money in exchange for your scooter.

It was 4th of July last week. You were excited about the fireworks because we talked about them excitedly. But you didn’t like them when you were trying to sleep because they were “bothering you” when you. We spent the weekend grilling with your friend Anna:

Toddler moments…

Froggy shoulder ride

Don’t hose me down! No! Please! I’m only two years old!

Towing Kimi on your bike:

School mornings updates… (morning emails to mama)

He brought his bunny to school today (don’t forget to take him back). Before that, he was hugging bunny in the car and smiling.

We opened the door and said GOOD MORNING FRIENDS!

I got him to put bunny in his cubby. Then we went to put away his water, milk and lunchbox. He always puts his lunchbox on the table beside the fridge, so we can unzip it to take out the milk.

As usual, I pointed him to what all his friends were doing. Max and Jaya were playing with purple particles in a tray. Jayden was drawing with crayons. Natalie was doing crafts with Ms Marissa. Ms Ditte was playing some bamboo-looking construction set with the boys on the circle.

J was in a good mood. I served him some bread. Then I sliced some peach and put it on the bread on his napkin. He took the peach off and placed it beside his bread. He said “DADDY! Stay a little bit!” I said “Okay, but only a little bit. Remember daddies cannot stay at Starfish.” He nodded and said “ya” and smiled. Then I stepped away and wandered around the room.

Every now and then, he would call, “DADDY!” But this time, he was smiling. He said, “Look I have a bread!” Then I go back and say, “Can you hug me very tight so I can go to work?” I hug him tight and kiss him and say I YUV YOU and he smiled today like how he does if you tickle him. Then I say mama’s coming to pick you up with Julia and I will come home and we will go to the park.

The door dinged when I opened it. He looked at me. Today, he smiled. I smiled and waved goodbye. Then I gestured that I was going to touch the lanterns. I peeked inside after I stepped out and caught a glimpse of him looking at me through the posters on the window. He saw me touch the lanterns.

Tough going to school after scooter weekend

I figured out why J was more upset than usual this morning. It’s because he’s getting smarter. He is following the chain of events deeper into the day now. So although he’s saying “I want to go for a walk”, what he’s really saying is a result of his branch prediction: “I have already imagined how this day is going to play out, and I do not want to take this branch. I want to take a different branch.”

Because, here’s how the car ride went.

We saw some cement mixers. I said they were going to work. They were going to help the construction workers. So he said see you later cement mixers. Go help the construction workers. Byebye! I said Joshua is going to school, and cement mixers are going to work.

He was thinking about something, because he suddenly said, “Sometimes daddy picks you up, sometimes mommy picks you up.”

Then, I randomly said “I love you Joshua!” He replied, “I love you daddy… see you laterrrrr. Byebye!” I said, “You cannot say see you later yet! I am still driving and we are still in the car.” He corrected himself, “When daddy drops you off, daddy has to go to work. Then daddy will wave and say byebye!”

So he’s starting to associate us saying “I love you” and hugs and kisses to us saying goodbye. Which is good and bad. Good because when I drop him off, after I hug him, he knows I am leaving and he won’t draw it out or beg me to stay. Bad because we have to say I love you more so it’s not just about goodbyes.

Anyway, after some silence, he starts monologuing, “I like to go VERY fast on my scooter. Sometimes I go on the sidewalk, and sometimes I go on the street!” I said, “No! You cannot ride your scooter on the street.” Then he fixes it, “When we have to go on the street, daddy will pick your scooter up, and hold my hand. And then we cross. And when we get to the other side, daddy will put your scooter down. And then you can go!”

At school, we do the same drop-off routine again. GOOD MORNING FRIENDS. Hi Ms Ditte, Hi Ms Gina. He doesn’t like it, but he walks behind me to put his things away. We were too late for snack time. There weren’t any activities out. So I just took him to the trucks and trains. He didn’t seem to interested. So I just kneeled down with him and hugged him in the middle of Starfish and showed him what all his friends were doing.

Ryan was playing the car. Jacob was playing with Ryan. Jayden ran over to say HI so I said Jayden has a cat shirt and Joshua has a shark shirt. Myra’s over there. He said that’s not Myra. Myra’s not here. I said Kevin is over there. He said that’s not Kevin. Then Ms Ditte came over and said ooo you have a bunny, what color is it. J said Blue! Ms Ditte said come daddy has to go to work. So I hugged him tight and kissed him. He squeaked a little “Nuh daddy…” But he let Ms Ditte lead him away by the hand. He walked away and didn’t cry. I kept looking at him to wave in case he looked back, but he didn’t today. Sometimes he prefers not looking.

And taking time to enjoy experiences that everyone else misses right under their nose …

We got to class a little late today. Because before the turn into school, there was a police officer standing in the street waving me over. I got no time for a police stop so I said see ya and turned left into CCLC. Turns out he was just slowing traffic down, because there was an accident right out side CCLC. Which meant… TOW TRUCKS.

Joshua said I WANNA SEE TOW TRUCKS DADDY WHERE ARE THE TOW TRUCKS TAKE ME OUT DADDY TOW TRUCKSSSSs. I prayed that the tow trucks would still be there after I got him out.

J popped his head out and said, “Daddy, I want to go closer!” So we went to the fence with lunchbox and his blue bunny. There was a yellow tow truck and a white tow truck. One car was already on the yellow tow truck. He stared at that for a while. I pointed the police officer to him but he kept staring at the yellow tow truck with the car on the back. Then I noticed the other tow truck operator getting ready to winch the other car onto the flatbed.

Look Joshua! He is going under the car. He is putting hooks in, so he can pull the car onto the tow truck. He flipped the switch and it went whirrrrrrr and Joshua’s eyes popped out. DADDY LOOK. The car crawled up onto the tow truck. For a few more moments both trucks were whirring in their choreographed dance, flatbeds shifting to settle the cars into place. Then another police officer showed up but he didn’t care about them.

When all the action was done, we said BYEBYE tow trucks! Have a good day at work! Tow trucks go to work and Joshua goes to school. We head inside.

We bumped into Ms Sue and Joshua shouted “I SAW TOW TRUCKS!” Then he caught himself and remembered he was supposed to act shy and didn’t say anything after. Ms Sue said her friend emailed her back and said that Bing is great, and she read her email to me, which says everything we already know.

Ms Sue followed us to Starfish because she was on her break. We opened the door and said GOOD MORNING FRIENDS! Arjun came to say hi and pointed to his striped shirt and said “NAISE. It’s NAISE” in an Indian accent. Then we said, WE SAW TOW TRUCKS outside. Ms Ditte said “I HEARD IT!” She was in the office when the accident happened and I guess it was loud. We put J’s things away, then he sat down for his snack.

J was very happy today. I left him at the table as usual. He was eating happily and observing confidently. He looked at me with a smile, I smiled back and he giggled. Since he looked okay, I didn’t linger too long. I said HUG ME TIGHT and I kissed him and said MAMA is picking you up. He didn’t fuss. He kept eating in his chair and observing his friends.

Love,

Dad

P.S. J2 – have a look at your brother being sweet to you:

P.P.S. – J1 – have a look at you being sweet in general:

P.P.P.S. – I don’t know if I’m writing slower or you two are giving me more to write about, but I seem to have more and more things to write to you about these days. Good thing it’s sort of a habit now, or I’d have trouble keeping up. I groan sometimes but I am very pleased when I finish.

P.P.P.P.S. – We made a pamphlet for Mama’s practice, for the pediatrician’s office! It’s basically an ad – a super business card bursting with valuable information… too valuable to throw away (the basis of all effective ads). They’re modeled after Ogilvy’s Shell Answer Books.